I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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