I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just invented taco cereal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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