Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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