It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
