Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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