so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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