OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
