its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
soo... how was my night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
