clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
