so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
