1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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