What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
