so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
