Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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