I'm passing your future prison.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
