I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize