come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
