All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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