Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
