i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
