I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
