i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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