he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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