There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
