I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
