My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
