She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
