I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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