I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you win again, gameday.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
