oh god the rape fog is back!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
