He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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