i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
