bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
