the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
