tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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