I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
