I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
