I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
