We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
