ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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