OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
