pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
