So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
