One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
