She is in my trunk
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
