Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
