I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
