at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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