so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
