Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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