weddingsv make me drug and hornr
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the liver wants what the liver wants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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