my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
