How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
