He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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