I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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