you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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