Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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