OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
