that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
