You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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