when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
