Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
is that a dick in a sweater?
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