Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
