Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
