hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
