My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
