i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
is it fun? or sober?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
