nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
