no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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