Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
