I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
