I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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