Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
